Faithless Sinner

I realise i have very little faith in myself.. today i did no go church think it was like wat?? hmm 1 month already? but every week is so stressful than my friends ask me go out plus i got my gfd well weekends it wat i have left to squeeze out.. but worst i have no time FOR GOD... tired... broke.. stressed and drained.. well my gfd was moody cos well she did not expected me to leave so early yesterday.. but i really did not know so fast also i was thinking like 10 plus 11 also wat... haiz and i know she dun mlie to go back home.. maybe if i had done the guard duty it would be better? well yesterday celebrated our anniversary.. i know it is a in significant date but well i dun mind.. i actually dun wanna spend so much wan.. never expected to also but i can see she is having fun and enjoying herself... haizz best is after dinner i actually dunno wat to do.. i am running out of ideas.. or maybe am out of it... maybe i should sit down and try to find other alternatives.. well lately she also has been in the do not wat to go home so early... but i dun mind only that if there is something to do or place to go to chill out.. argh wat to do.. haizzzz i also dunno.. well.. these feel weeks has been shit.. going to ORD liao still have so many things to do left like going thailand and taiwan.. yes and i like lest 2 months to ord.. and they wan me to clear IPPT gold.. come on man.. not that i cannot but the training is so in consistent and time is so stressful and work load is so heavy... we just wanna F*** OOF!!! other ppl same batch as me clearing off or OC giving off day but i still have to go outfield... so wat if i hold an impt appointment.. i cannot even have my own proper time.. doing stupid things in the camp.. like wat is the point of from the ferry terminal walking back to camp? so stuoid waste of time and manpower and resources.. haizz dunno la.. does anybody other than GOD know wat i am going tru.. i am just a guy trying to have a normal life.. have enough money to enjoy with my gfd enough time to rest and play.. but nothing is never enough... my life still suckszzz... sad to say.. it's nto sorted out and the army just made it worst.. i have not even sign up for my uni also.. arghzzzz.. cannot even apply leave to go extend passport which they need me to do.. i really hope my passport cock up than i no need to go thailand.. anyway they say is it not COMPULSARY!!! i mean than WTF do we still need to go!! i rather just stay in camp and train for the ippt gold.. haizzz. management in the unit is disgraceful... but well 1 thing for sure.. they make the ORD very yearning.. like craving... something to die for.. becos theyu make us hate it so much... ok.. now.. rnough of the green stuff.. played mahjong last nite like play 3 pok.. total lose 5 buck.. the funny thing is that i was suppose to be winning.. but well ast least something to destress and take my mind off stuff.. now is coming to 6 in a few hours i just have to bath and book in... stupid lei.. haizzz really resentful now.. sinner and condemmed.. haizzzzzz over and out,......